Good Morning, Dave

A company in Lincoln Park, New Jersey is marketing what they have dubbed a “robot girlfriend”. The life-sized latex doll is presumably anatomically correct and is probably very enticing if room-temperature rubber is your thing. She comes complete with sexy lingerie and shoulder length brown hair, blue eyes and what appears to me to be a mortified expression on her face. The doll, named Roxxxy, has no moving parts and basically just lies there, which I guess, for some of us, would add to the realism. What makes this doll more than just an upscale inflatable lover is its computer driven interactive speech program and the sensors located at strategic points on the body which initiate verbal responses. For example, the manufacturer’s information says that if you touch the doll’s hand, it will respond with "I love holding hands with you"; unfortunately, the doll’s mouth does not move and the sound is generated by an internal speaker so the general effect is probably the same as might be accomplished by a ventriloquist with a corpse. One can only imagine what other verbal delights might be included for the $7,000 to $9,000 price. Stimulation of the appropriate area would perhaps elicit a throaty “I want your turgid man-pole in my groinal area”, or “oh baby lick the Tartar sauce off my clamshell”. I’m not sure where all the sensors are located, so it is possible that an individual’s anatomical area of interest might be nonresponsive, which would be just my luck, and I don’t know if the programming includes “ouch”, but the manufacturer claims the software can “receive updates over the Internet to expand the robot's capabilities and vocabulary”. That’s certainly more than you can say for the average girlfriend.

The inventor of this horrifyingly titillating play-toy, one Mr. Douglas Hines, says he was inspired to attempt to create “artificial personalities” following the death of a friend and that the sexual aspect of the doll is only a marketing tool that will allow him to fund his pursuit of the interactive technology that will ultimately create a real “companion”. He started out with the idea of creating a “home health care aide for the elderly”, but encountered too much “bureaucratic paperwork”. The bureaucrats probably thought the thing would scare somebody to death. I’m really not sure how something that just lies there and runs its mouth would be of much use to the elderly anyway, although the concept is strongly reminiscent of the daily activities of my teenage children.

I suppose we can all agree that Mr. Himes is a fine fellow and that his research will someday achieve something positive, but the whole idea still seems kind of sad to me. I can just foresee the flocks of pathetic losers living in their mother’s basements sitting around on Saturday night with Roxxxy watching Star Wars. What’s sad about it is that if they spent their $9,000 on therapy, or a gym membership or a continuing education class or a dog, they would probably ultimately be much happier. People are lonely for a lot of reasons and almost all of them are controllable. If you are an ass and nobody likes you, quit being an ass; if you’re frightened and insecure, get some help; if you’re horribly disfigured, hang out with blind people. The fact is, there is a pathetic loser lurking inside all of us, but most of us have paid the price and eaten the bitter root of failure enough to know that the great democratic ideal that we are all equally flawed is a profound truth. We know that human relationships are not about control or emotional safety and that seeking respect, admiration or affection from anyone always carries the risk of rejection, betrayal and humiliation; but we also know that Roxxxy is a pale imitation of life and a concession to defeat.

With developments in artificial intelligence and robotics there will almost certainly be a day when the science fiction prophecies of Robby the Robot, the Weyland-Utani Corporation’s malfunctioning Ash and the programmed-with-multiple-techniques Commander Data will be fulfilled. When that day comes, there will be titanic legal and philosophical debates about what is, and is not, a person and our society will be transformed in ways we can scarcely imagine. No doubt there will be social, physical and perhaps even emotional interaction between us and our creations and this will necessitate entirely new psychological and moral adaptations on our part. In this brave, new world, it is likely that companionship will no longer be a problem for the dull, the unattractive or the maladjusted, if such conditions are allowed to persist, but the issue of choice in emotional validation will always remain; without the right of decision and the freedom to reject, any manufactured companion will, like poor Roxxxy, be nothing but a worthless pile of wires, rubber and delusion.