Who Shot J.R.?

It was 32 years ago today that 918 people died in various ways in the jungles of Guyana, mostly from drinking poisoned Kool-Aid. Leo Ryan, a California Congressman, was shot dead as he concluded his mission to assist those desiring to abandon Jim Jones’ totalitarian, theocratic utopia. Ryan’s death was a great loss to America, as he remains one of the few chosen representatives of the People who had the balls to see his leadership role as more than just cashing lobbyist’s checks. As a California State Assemblyman, he went undercover as both an inner-city school teacher and a prison inmate to gain firsthand knowledge of conditions in schools and prisons. He was ambushed by members of the People’s Temple as his plane sat on the runway preparing to return to Georgetown, Guyana’s capitol. Congressman Ryan’s death set off a chain reaction of lunacy that resulted in the suicide or murder of 909 members of the Peoples Temple Agricultural Project, which had been established in 1974 as an example of “apostolic socialism”, whatever that is. Jim Jones’ claim to holiness ended in horror, as most putative holiness does. The human capacity for illogic and self-delusion is well documented and, one might argue, is a primary driving force in history. In my view, the sad truth is that the distance from Main Street to the jungles of Guyana is not that great. Many of the world’s primary religions have elements of apocalyptic cultism in the context of their sense of exclusive knowledge of the truth and obedience to orthodoxy, and God knows the subculture of paranoid, Luddite xenophobes in America is quite ready to explode in an orgy of self-righteous destruction and fevered cleansing to prepare for Jesus’ return or armed revolution, or both.

But the political process in America was never intended to be an eternal struggle between good and evil. We have already established those truths which we hold to be self-evident. The people we elect are only supposed to respond to changing circumstances as they relate to ensuring domestic tranquility and providing for the common welfare, not to battle daily for the souls of mankind. Government has truly overreached its bounds, although not through excessive taxation, burdensome regulation or bureaucratic inertia, but through the arrogant presumption of those of every philosophical stripe seeking political office with claims of insight into absolute truth or the paths of the righteous. With our electoral process awash in the filthy lucre of corporate personhood and politics becoming little more than the race to define and emulate the lowest common denominator, it would appear the Grand Republic is in danger of entering a terminal death spiral, and all we get is bombastic moralizing from the right, left and center with not a qualified economist or logistician among them. My own bombastic moralizing notwithstanding, I’d cut a deal with Leon Trotsky, John Boehner or King George III in a heartbeat if it would create a few hundred thousand jobs. Whatever happened to good old enlightened self-interest? Adam Smith can’t be pleased.

Anyway, the TSA is presently very popular. Apparently Washington has gotten the idea that the average American no longer wishes to plunge earthward at 700 miles an hour in the flaming wreckage of what used to be a commercial airliner because some miscreant strapped C-4 to his wiener and tugged the Johnson at 35,000 feet. For this reason, the federal Government has implemented innovative wiener surveillance processes which include your choice of either the undignified viewing of your shriveled manparts or your confusing ladyjunk, or a humiliatingly intimate caress to ensure there are no explosives in your cleavage or butt crack. The new x-ray vision scanners, which were likely procured through the back pages of a comic book, are apparently quite realistic in their representation of an individual’s flabby nakedness, which mortifies the image-conscious American public, over 25 percent of whom are clinically obese. Obese is the Latin word for gross. I should know. Of course, all of this self imposed abuse is done in the name of security, because we know that there are people who aren’t afraid of flying who want to kill us. Unfortunately, most of us still don’t understand why. There are probably people in various places around the world who are asking themselves very similar questions about our motives. Fortunately, God is on our side, and even though God has not been completely successful in protecting us against every horrid assault on our national pride, we pray he will assist us in our quest for an infallible underwear scan.

The Republican leadership in the House of Representatives has wasted no time in addressing the out of control US budget. The US budget deficit in Fiscal Year 2009 was $1.42 trillion, an amount many consider excessive. Even though the new Republican majority in the House will not take office until January, John Boehner and his associates have struck a blow for fiscal accountability by attempting to eliminate all Federal funding for NPR. NPR is a well known propaganda arm of the world-wide socialist movement and has often advocated un-American activities like telling the truth. NPR receives about 15 percent of its total funding from government sources, including about $16 million form the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. Eliminating this allocation would reduce the 2010 Federal Budget by .000004 percent. Unfortunately, the anti-American Democratic majority defeated the brave effort, but they’ll get what’s coming to them.

Lastly, for you beleaguered parents out there. Good luck. Preparing a child to live successfully in the coming world is a challenging task, to understate it significantly. We parents can’t begin to imagine the technological, social, political, economic and environmental circumstances that our children will face in the next four, five, six, seven or eight decades. The best we can do is try to prepare them to use reason and logic, guided by principle, to adapt to what life presents and try to find meaning and satisfaction in what ever may come. But just remember this; my wife is not always correct. She says my two sons have learned their facial expressions and mannerisms of annoyance from me, but this is not true. They only appear to be mimicking me; the fact is, they are me, sort of. They received half of their DNA from me. I would even suggest the better half of their DNA, but that is still an issue of some dispute domestically. Nonetheless, when you observe your children manifesting undesirable behaviors similar to your own, do not doubt your parenting skills. Do not fault your own weakness and inability to conceal your flaws from your highly imitative offspring. Do not regret that you have not made more effort to be tolerant, understanding and charitable. Simply accept that you have passed on the crappy genes that have ruined your life and that there is little hope for the future.