Pussy Magic

Meet Todd Akin, a six-term Congressman from Missouri who aspires to replace Senator Clare McCaskill in the U.S. Senate. In his tenure as a Congressman, he has expressed some opinions and served on some committees. He has sponsored legislation to define rape as something like fucking a nun. He has a Master of Divinity degree. He doesn’t support the right to choose to have an abortion, but he does support the right to own a lot of guns and he supports the War on Terror. He likes Paul Ryan, but not in a gay way.

Congressman Akin feels that women who are “legitimately” raped have a greatly reduced likelihood of getting pregnant. This is because of some power that the female body has to reject the sperm of a rapist. Apparently a friend told him this. A friend who is a doctor. Probably a Doctor of Divinity. Undocumented, scientifically inaccurate supposition is an important currency of discourse with people like Todd Akin, and ignoring facts that contradict his previously arrived at conclusions is the foundation of his impish charm. According to an authoritative source which I shall not name because that would violate the rules of ignoramus debate, about five percent of rapes result in pregnancy. I don’t know if this calculation is adjusted for the rape of girls too young to conceive or the rape of men or of ladies past menopause, so a woman could have a greater chance than that of getting pregnant from a rape, unless their secret uterus magic kicks in. In all fairness to Congressman Akin, he did say he misspoke when he found that his comments had been distorted by the liberal media to make it sound like he was an idiot. I respect people who abandon their unpopular principles.

If Congressman Akin were just some ambitious, ignorant megalomaniac shit-ass spouting voodoo nonsense to appeal to the mass of superstitious, retard voters in some backwater, inbred Congressional district, I wouldn’t really care. There will always be shit-holes in America, because freedom and genetic diversity provide for it, but this guy wants to be a Senator and represent the great State of Missouri, wherein lie St. Louis and Kansas City and about six million people; and the true shame of it is that he still has a reasonable chance of doing exactly that.

In 15th Century Europe they burned women for being witches; our sainted Pilgrim forefathers hung women a couple of centuries later for the same offense. It is always women who are getting blamed for freaky shit, usually unmarried women and more often than not, young ones. My theory is that some men are not handling the transition to civilization very well and they can’t get down with the fact that a woman can control the use of her own pussy. That pussy is pretty fucking enticing, and it sucks when you want some and the bitch blows you off. We men can’t understand why that pussy is so fucking irresistible; it must be the work of the devil because it makes us do stupid shit like buying houses and fist fighting our best friends. Ultimately, we resent the fact that we are slaves to pussy and of course we can’t blame ourselves, so the pussy’s owner must be the culprit. You evil, seductive bitches are responsible for this fucking mayhem. Sluts.

The sad truth is that in America we still have primitive minds, male and female, that wish to explain away violence against women as a consequence of nature and not a conscious choice on someone’s part to be a fuck-stick. When Mr. Akin misspoke, what he clearly meant to say was that if you weren’t a skanky whore who deserved to be raped, then God would probably not force you to carry a child you did not conceive out of love as a punishment for your skankiness. Since you can only “legitimately” rape the pure, all you promiscuous slatterns brought this crap on yourself, and we shouldn’t let you escape your well deserved penance by allowing you an opportunity for an abortion, or the status as a victim. What Congressman Akin is trying to say is that you fucking women are less than fucking human and should be treated like fucking animals, and if you allow medieval piss brains like him to get elected, you will be.